The Great Digital Crochet Heist (And Why I’m Thinking About Going Old-School)

Once upon a time, in a land of pixels and PDFs, I naively believed that selling digital crochet patterns was the way to go. It was easy! It was convenient! It was...a wide-open invitation for thieves with sticky fingers and zero shame.

I put in the work—designing, testing, and photographing—only to see my pattern pop up on sketchy websites within days. It’s frustrating, but not surprising. Piracy happens, and crochet designers already have a hard enough time convincing people that patterns aren’t just free-for-all downloads. When my work gets stolen, it’s not just about lost sales; it’s a reminder of how little respect creative labor sometimes gets.

So, in a fit of both rage and nostalgia, I started thinking: What if I just went full grandma? What if I printed my patterns on actual, tangible paper and mailed them out like it’s 1997 and I’m running a fan club?  It’s ridiculous. It’s inconvenient. And it might just be genius.

The Case for Going Print-Only

1. Harder to Steal – You can’t copy/paste a physical pattern. Sure, someone could scan it, but that’s effort, and I’m betting thieves are lazy.

2. The Joy of Getting Mail – Remember how exciting it was to get something that wasn’t a bill? A pattern in the mailbox is retro joy in an envelope.

3. Collectors’ Appeal – Limited-edition print runs, signed copies, maybe even fancy stickers? Sounds way cooler than a sad little PDF.

4. Less Digital Burnout – Let’s be honest, we’re all tired of screens. A real, hold-it-in-your-hands pattern feels like a little act of rebellion against the internet age.

Of course, this is just an idea for now. I’ll probably do a small test run, maybe with my Mankini Gnome pattern, the most popular among the thieves. If it works, maybe I’ll go full throttle and bring back printed pattern booklets, because I do miss having physical, tangible proof of my work.

So, what do you think? Am I onto something, or am I just one bad day away from writing patterns on parchment and delivering them via carrier pigeon? Either way, stay tuned—Fat Lady Crochet might just be getting a whole lot more old-school.